ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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