I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
