You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
