Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
