highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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