can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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