He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
