Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
