Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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