I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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