Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
