If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
