Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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