Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
