holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
