I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
