Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
