Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
