i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Randomize
