I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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