How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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