You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
