Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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