i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
