It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
