ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
