I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
