Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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