So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
