Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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