Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
