Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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