Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
