My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
