I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
