the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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