He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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