friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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