she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
