It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
