I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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