If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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