I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
