Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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