I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
