I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
