yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
