no, he came in my armpit
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
