listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You are a genius and a whore.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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