I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
be right there i have to get my cape
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
